Paola Scemama-Ittah: “Now we show the money we have, and the bachelor yet”

In a society that increasingly values ​​financial success, psychologist Paola Scemama-Ittah observes the confusion between personal success and financial success. And singles are advised not to back down from compelling decisions like buying real estate.

Neuropsychologist and Clinical Psychologist, Paola Scemama-Ittah created the Célibattant site for people living alone and the training organization Mowglie Brian Coaching which offers programs to improve thinking skills

For the administration, a single person is not married, has children or has no children.
The common definition of celibacy has changed in recent years. So celibacy today can include people in a non-exclusive couple or in a relationship with someone. We’re together but we don’t say we’re married because we see it as a form of confinement. It is a new way of living the freedom of one with the problematic risk of losing one. Even though I am in love, I value my freedom more. We no longer really know what freedom means.

Who is considered single?
Some of those who remain single remain that way because they want to fulfill themselves professionally and financially as well. Many want to show that it is by choosing: “First I succeeded.” But another part of single people have the feeling of undergoing this celibacy even after they succeed as professionals. These people do not highlight their professional success. In fact, singles will value their financial independence or not depending on how they experience being single. This worldwide affects how they “sell” themselves.

Has the growing number of unmarried people diminished society’s negative or sympathetic view of homosexuality?
Sure. The image conveyed by being single is more pleasant than it was a few years ago.

Is the difficulty of assuming singleness primarily related to young female executives? A study by the National Institute of Demographic Studies (INED) (1) shows that women, especially those in their thirties who have completed higher education or from affluent socio-economic levels , the lowest experiencing this situation. good.
Yes. I see women from higher socio-professional categories who feel less of their chastity. They succeed in their professional lives, they take care of themselves, but they can’t afford to meet someone who will complete them without crushing them. Suddenly they lost the feeling that they needed someone.

About 42% of female executives surveyed in 2014 answered that being single makes their daily lives difficult, compared to 30% for non-executives …
Certainly women from low backgrounds prefer their freedom. When they separate, their financial situation is just as difficult, but they are no longer accountable. They just broke up.

Do you see differences among people in couples in the way unmarried people view money?
Now we define ourselves by money: we represent the money we have and the single person. You need to focus your eyes on it. Money is gradually being seen as a way to amuse oneself, and more and more as a symbol of social success. It’s as if having money means being smart or brilliant. We spread our activities and our goods on social networks. We show material happiness. This is more a question about generation than marital status or background. The previous generation was more cautious.

Does celibacy induce a difference in behavior in investments and real estate investing?
Yes. Celibacy blocks binding decisions, more so for young women than for young men. I hear women in their 40s telling me they can’t buy their house because they are waiting to do it with a husband when they can do it alone. They decided to buy for two and they were relying on a man before they even met. The danger is that when they meet him, they will pressure him into saying “then we buy” and he may experience it badly. We don’t know if we can find someone with the same desires, the same socio-economic level. In addition, if the meeting was late, one would probably have bought his or her apartment. It will never be too late for everyone to reinvest afterwards. Older women, especially after divorce, will be more thoughtful and will seek to shelter themselves (with a paid allowance) and invest on their own.

Are money questions and differences in income and/or wealth an obstacle to building a couple?
Yes! I often hear people say, “My family has money. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have one. ”This adds to the difficulty of finding someone. For women and men, but a little more for women, which is less free.

PHowever, another INED study (2) shows a strong individualization of wealth, even within couples, do you see this?
This is a very strong trend. It’s wonderful how “my money is my money.” I often hear reflections on the results and the division of goods where it is necessary to go. People are no longer marrying with the same negligence as before. And this, in all socio-professional categories.

Does buying property for two strengthen the couple?
No. It will be complicated with possible separation but it does not mean that the couple becomes more solid.

Is the bachelor less sensitive to delivery questions, or is it a women’s subject?
Women generally think about delivery. But if in the older generation the inconvenience was somewhat feminine, now it pertains to all individuals. Little by little we think that “I am after the deluge”. Either we are happy to have had a legacy and we want to pass it on to the next generation, or we are sad not to have had it and we want to dedicate it to our children. It is more marked in people who are not in appearance. This desire grew in the child’s place in the family.

Interview with Aline Fauvarque

(1) “Life outside of marriage, an extraordinary life, experience of chastity in contemporary France” by Marie Berstrom, Françoise Courtel and Géraldine Vivier, from 2019 based on a 2014 study.

(2) Inequalities and the individualization of wealth by Nicolas Frémeaux and Marion Leturcq, “Inequalities and the individualization of wealth”, Journal of Public Economics 184: 1-18. »


Buying your home to ensure your freedom

Single or as a couple, buying your home remains the most important security. Not only does the individual secure a roof over his or her head, but also an option to return in the event of the frightening failure of his or her future married life.

Young unmarried people are often reluctant to start a real estate project on their own, unlike divorced ones. Thinking of living together, the bachelor is waiting for the person of his dreams. Mistake! This leads to “putting pressure on one at the beginning of a relationship”, the observation of Paola Scemama-Ittah.

And one can buy his apartment, which can lead you to postpone your project. It is better to simplify the act of buying and borrowing real estate. It is always possible to sell or rent your residence to live as a couple. Moreover, most borrowers convert housing before repaying their loan. On average, the duration of a home loan is only seven to eight years, compared to an average subscription period of twenty years.

If your resources are too tight to accommodate you in the city where you work, put a foot in real estate, through a rental investment or civil real estate investment companies (SCPI).

SCPIs yielded just over 4.45% in 2021 according to the French Association for Real Estate Investments (Aspim). They must still hold at least eight years to amortize entry fees.

You can also consider buying bare property or living if you are not in a hurry to occupy the purchased accommodation (in the event of expatriation), to stay mobile or buy cheaper (and not receive rents when one is subject to marginal .tax rates of 41% and 45%).

Some SCPIs such as Accimopierre may be split from BNP Paribas. The capital gain will remain payable on the day of the sale, which will be calculated for a life annuity at the total acquisition price (total of the bouquet paid and the capital that makes up the annuity), with a reduction in the holding period.

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